


Something Missing (Jelix)

by MyNameIsDana



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Fluff, I wish that this was real, Jack Needs a Hug, Jelix - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Pls let Felix be happy, im sorry, jacksepticeye - Freeform, pewdiepie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 22:12:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15958607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyNameIsDana/pseuds/MyNameIsDana
Summary: Sean, who is probably in the most active and busy moment of his entire life, thinks that something is missing. Or maybe, someone.And that someone is not getting out of his head, not even in Jack's panel at PAX.





	Something Missing (Jelix)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I wrote this instead of sleeping. If it has any grammar mistakes, pls tell me. My native lenguaje is spanish, so I'm not sure that everything is okay. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Something was missing, Sean thought. That was the only thing that occupied his head while answering the questions that his fans were asking him in PAX. It was an event he had been waiting for months and it always was a good moment to spend some time with the people who admired him. However, something remained in his mind, as if he was constantly forgetting something and he was not able to remember it. What could it be? He thought, everything was ready, he felt in a good mood, he was receiving his fans in the best possible way and also had been able to meet several of his friends.   
He was answering a question about Connor, when suddenly, this feeling became even more present and began to turn into a knot in Jack's stomach.   
It would be his anxiety? It could not be, he felt very good despite that feeling, and had taken care of his health as well as possible. He ignored this situation, and continued to answer the questions how he could. While responding to a fan, he closed his eyes tightly, trying to erase the thought from his head, and failing in the attempt. He greeted the girl who had asked the question, and looked at his watch quickly.

«Come on, there's only 6 minutes left. I can do this. Six minutes and that’s it.» He thought, squeezing his lips a little bit.

He walked to the other side of the stage, to continue with the questions. He looked at the next person, he was a boy and he was wearing a black cap that did not show his face.

"Hi, what's your name?" Sean asked kindly, assuming the boy should be a little shy.

“Hello, Jackie-boy.” the guy answered, taking off his cap.

The whole room screamed, and Sean felt his heart in his throat as that familiar voice reached his ears and his blue eyes met his’s. He blinked several times, looking again at that person standing there, a few meters away from him, and still unable to believe what he saw.

“I think you already know my name, don’t ya?” He asked. “I heard that you’re here to answer some questions, so, here I am. Are you gonna answer my questions?”

Sean could not answer. He was completely incredulous and speechless. And, ironically, he had a thousand questions to ask when he was supposed to answer them.

“Felix?” that was the only thing that came off of Jack’s mouth. “O-Oh my god… Ye are actually here! How the fuck…? Why? When?”

Several of the people laughed at the Irishman's confusion, causing Sean to return to reality in a few seconds: he was surrounded by people, there were less than five minutes left for the panel to finish and Felix was there. Felix, his best friend was there. In America. Alone. In his panel, waiting to ask him a question in person, as if he was just a follower.

“Uh, I was on a holiday ya know, and well, I decided that it would be a good idea to see what you’re doing here…” Felix said. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, and, I kinda missed you, boy.”

“Oh, that’s really cool. Thanks man.” Sean answered, really nervous. “Well, what do you want to... to ask me?”

Jack did not understand what was wrong with him. Throughout the event, he had been more confident than ever and now, suddenly, he felt his voice tremble at every word he said. He did not wait for Felix there, he did not expect it at all, and that situation just made it worse. He wanted to tell him so many things that his brain was going too fast to even say one. Why was Felix there, in his panel? He could have visited him later, or sent him a message... Nothing. It was totally by surprise. And Sean had no idea how he was supposed to react to that surprise.

“Two questions.” Felix said. “The first one, with all this stuff about T-Series and my channel «fighting» to be the biggest channel on Youtube… Who do you think it should be the number one? Of everybody on Youtube, I mean.”

Jack took a deep breath before answering the question.

“You. You have to be the King of Youtube, and you will always be, dude.” 

All the people in the room exclaimed an "aww" at the same time they recorded what was happening.

“I think there’s a lot of better people than me, but okay. Uh, thanks?” Felix said, letting out a giggle. 

“You’re welcome.” Sean answered, smiling. “What’s your second question, man?”

Felix hesitated for a few seconds, looking around, and then meeting Jack's gaze again. He would be lying if he said he was not nervous like his friend. 

“Well, you know, we didn’t hang out in a while, and we didn’t record neither. I mean, you’ve been busy. And, I’m not invited to any of this events, you already know the reasons, heh.” The swedish man said, more nervous than before. “And, because of that, I can’t be with my fans that much, and I can’t see you either. Because people doesn’t forgive the mistakes I made.”

The place was completely silent, and Sean had a hurricane of feelings in his chest, in which part of him wanted to hug Felix for hours, and another slowly began to regret everything he had done in recent months. However, he remained static in his place, waiting for his friend to finish speaking.

“So, my question is: even with everything that I said, with every damn consequence that came with it, with all the thing that went wrong for you and for me, because of what I did; and with all the thing that people says about me…” He did a pause. “You’re still my friend and did you actually miss me?”

That's when he finally noticed it. Like a «click» on his head. Sean knew what he had forgotten all this time, and just at that moment and in that place he had remembered, perfectly strong and clear. He had forgotten Felix. He had forgotten how things were before, how they always were at events together, when they collaborated, even how much people talked about the great Pewdiepie, and how Jack was grateful to be able to share shows with Felix, who seemed to have achieved goals that the younger one could never aspire to.  
But now it was not like that. It was not like that for quite a long time. Felix was no longer invited to the events, the collaborations of other youtubers with him were «controversial», his fan base was not what it was in the past, and almost all youtubers made tours and shows to see their fans, but Felix no longer could do it. Because everything had changed, because nobody forgave him, or they did not notice it. Sean felt a lump in his throat at the thought that he was also part of this, that he ignored the fact that his best friend was not there, and that he was living so happily when one of the people he loved most felt lonely, guilty and ignored. Ignored by everyone, even his friends. As if he was invisible. He looked at Felix once more: he was standing there, looking into his eyes. He had remarkable dark circles, and his eyes were tired. He seemed to be thinner than normal, and even paler.  
Sean could not stop regretting, he had said and done so many good things, but they were crumbling at the thought that Felix was going through a very bad time and that he had ignore it. Felix has always support him, always gave him help, and it didn’t matter the time, the place or the size of the problem, Felix was there for Sean.   
And now, Sean didn’t. What if it had affected his health? Nobody had helped him? What if he felt alone? The irishman tried to decipher it, but in Felix's eyes he could only see a great disappointment. He did not know if it was because of Jack, or worse, because of himself. Sean did not even want to think about...

“Well…” Felix said, interrupting Sean’s thoughts. “I guess I’ll take that as a no. I’m s-sorry for, you know, wasting time of your panel. This... This was a stupid idea.” Felix whispered into the microphone, with his voice trembling.

Sean gasped as he realized that he had left his friend waiting for an answer for too long, and he misunderstood the situation. All the people began to whisper while Felix walked away from the stage, with a hand covering his face. Jack did not know what to do, and his voice did not respond. With the last remnant of reason, he left the stage and ran towards the Swede with the microphone in his hand. When he reached him, he hugged him with all his strength while tears ran down his face.

“Of course I’ve missed you.” Sean whispered. “I’m just an asshole. God, I’m so sorry for everything Felix, really, I’m so sorry, I w-was just thinking about… Fuck, about everything. You’re so different, are you okay? I’m sorry for not being with you, I’ll be there now, if you need me, just call me and, and, and…”

“It’s okay Sean, it’s okay.” Felix whispered, accepting the hug.“I’m not in my best moment, but, it’s fine… It’s my fault.”

“But I should have been there! Y-you always had been there for me, and now suddenly I’m too fucking busy to help you? I’m sorry, I… I love you, Felix. I want you to be happy.”

Everyone in the room watched in silence what was happening. However Felix and Sean felt that it was just an immense room occupied by just the two of them, embracing each other with all the time in the world. Felix rested his head on Sean's shoulder, sobbing. It had been a difficult few months despite the trip and the plans for the wedding, he tried to put his best face to Marzia, but he felt that everyone ignored him, as if he did not exist. And he really missed Sean. Before they used to talk every week, and now he felt that if he sent a message to Jack, it would probably bother him because he's busy, and he has a thousand things in mind. And just like that everything was falling apart, little by little, until he reached this point where he cried in front of hundreds of people on the shoulder of a friend that he did not see for a long time.

“Wait, Fe, let me say goodbye to the people, then you and I are going to talk about this somewhere else, okay?” Sean asked. 

Felix nodded, letting Jack say goodbye to his fans. Probably their social networks would be exploding after all that, but at that time it did not matter. All they had in mind was to say goodbye to everyone, take Sean's things and go to the hotel where Felix was staying.

 

After a while, everything was quiet again, but this time it was a smaller room, and the only people were Felix and Sean sitting on the floor, watching the night in the city from the window. What they all thought would be a long talk, it was just the two of them quietly looking away. But it was not uncomfortable, they just had nothing to say. They already knew the list of things they had done wrong, those they had done well and those that did not matter anymore. At that time they just wanted to rest a bit from the world that made them happy, and that at the same time had ruined them so much.  
After a while relaxing, Sean approached Felix, resting his head and all his weight on him, letting out a sigh.

“God, I’m so tired.” The younger one whispered. “I’m mean, I’m tired in a good way, but I really needed this.”

“This?”

“Ya know, being in silence for a minute, and ignore all the shit that is going on. And also being with you.” Sean said, giggling.

Felix smiled and planted a soft kiss on Sean's head, making him blush a little. They both let out a small laugh, and then they looked back at the window. Only a few lights were on in the room, and everything was absolutely silent. Jack felt he could fall asleep from how relaxed he felt. He checked the time on his watch, noticing that it was 2 am. It was already late and he had to ask Felix to take him to his hotel or call a taxi, anyway it was not that far away.

 

An hour later, Sean was already at the entrance of the hotel, saying goodbye to Felix with a hug and a promise to meet again when they have the opportunity, and to call each week.  
However, crossing the door once the Swede's car disappeared into the distance, he felt that feeling again. First, it was something really small, but as he entered the hotel, the feeling was increasing to the point of being the same as in PAX. As he entered the elevator and went up to his apartment, he thought about what it could be. He did not miss Felix, at least not in a bad way. He had seen him, embraced him and reminded him how much he loved and cared about him. What else could he have done? He had relaxed more than he could have expected from such a day, and those moments with Felix were very calm and, in a certain way, fun. He was hypnotized by how his friend's mood had changed so much with just a few hours of hugs, silence and leaving away all the attention that used to overwhelm them during their lives. He liked to see those slight smiles, those blue eyes looking peaceful and to feel how his body relaxed next to Felix’s, feeling completely calm  
Leaving the elevator, Sean realized that it had probably been one of the most intimate moments of his life. Being alone with Felix, sitting on the ground watching the city trying to calm down and forget reality. He could not do it with anyone else, not with Mark, not with Bob, not with Robin, not even with Signe; that despite not being there anymore, in the past they had never shared something like that.  
Approaching the door of his room, he thought how comfortable he felt with Felix, just how they were and, now that he thought about it, where was Marzia? Sean had not heard her name that night, in fact, they had not talked about absolutely anyone. They had arrived at the hotel and they just talked about was how relaxed they were and how much they had miss each other; the rest had only been hugs and silence. At that moment when Sean came to the door of his room and was taking the first step to enter, he managed to realize what he was forgetting, what he did not do and now he regretted it. With a thousand thoughts in his head, many memories and possibilities of what could have happened, and a hundred of realizations; he entered his room, and thinking about what was missing, with a whisper he said to himself:

“Shit. I should’ve kissed him.”

Sean closed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a dream that I had, in which Jack was doing a panel and suddenly Felix just appeared out of nowhere and everything got emotional lmao. Except for the last part, of course. I hope you liked it.
> 
> PD: I am the only one that thinks that Felix needs a fucking hug?


End file.
